Bumbershoot!

i'm sitting in tunnys dirty frat house where theres no toilet paper girls have to drip dry....or leandra says you can shake it. its been an adventure. we walked halfway around seattle and aroung the whole UW campus. we almost got raped...but not really.

tomorrow we're goin to bumbershoot to have some awesome fun! black eyed peas are performin at like 6 and its most likely gonna be pouring down rain too...oh well thats washington for ya! its like 3 30 in the morning and i'm goin to bed on this comfy leather couch!!!

love after lust

wondering if its still possible to find that dream guy. after being told you've been touched by an angel but that angel has touched many, it makes ya feel like you're undeserving of that one who isn't the angel in disguise. the real thing. is it possible to still find love after lust? or is there no reason to try anymore?

still hopin and prayin that its somewhere out there but feelin unworthy doesn't ya much of an advantage. hopefully starting over is somewhere in the works. just havin a hard time figurin out when to do it.

that feels different...

Virgin for 19 years and finally it happened. there goes waiting for marriage. so many mixed emotions tho cuz the experience felt good and bad. a good christian girl, what happend to those strong morals. one beach house, 6 friends, 2 goodlooking people with a buzz is what happened. 10 seconds of curiosity and apparently that counts for somethin. makin out felt good but WOW! that feels different! too much happened too fast. tryin to figure out the "technical" terms so overanalyzing doesnt happen, but its already happenin. freakin out and laughter come next all at the same time cuz it she couldn't figure out if it was real or not! met a week ago and already shared that connection. she doesnt know what to do, he's confused as to why. its not a big deal, its all natural. you only live once. excuses. a dissapointed mother feels like a failure. nothin for you to look foward to anymore she says. you've conformed. you're no different then them. a daughter who was doing so well is in a spin. confused cuz she liked it. sad cuz she shouldn't have. not the way it was planned to happen, no sexy white gown dyin to get torn off in a Europian hotel. life is different for her now. once wasn't enough, she's already got the craving for more. cuz self control is harder once its been tested and failed.